Many people have heard the saying "Husband and wife are strangers." It may be taken as a kind of middle ground between compromise and peaceful acceptance: since we're different people with different ways of thinking and different values, differences can't be helped.
I see this a little differently.It's true that spouses are born as strangers and may have different thoughts, perceptions, and values. But when two people marry, they become people who cherish each other like "a part of their own body" and support one another.
I believe a married couple is a relationship in which supporting each other lets you get through life with strength and resilience. Marriage, in which spouses are "a part of each other's body," means becoming one team.
Think of a couple as a bird with two wings. A bird can't fly with only one wing; only when both wings work in harmony can it soar high into the sky.
In the same way, if only one partner tries hard, the balance is lost. When you support each other, you can move through life more richly and strongly.
Lessons I Learned From My Parents
My parents both had strong opinions, didn't try to understand each other, and mostly put their own feelings and ideas first and protected themselves.
(Of course, you aren't like that...)
Watching the two of them, I strongly felt, "I want to know how a couple can keep their relationship together."
What It Means to Support Each Other
Supporting each other isn't just a matter of dividing roles or fulfilling duties. It's a natural act of thinking deeply about your partner and respecting them, and it is the foundation of the life you build together.
The Importance of Supporting Each Other
A couple I know are both busy with work, but when one of them is having a hard time, the other naturally steps in to help. On days when the wife works late, the husband makes dinner and puts the children to bed.That is when family life truly works.
Let's Think About It Together
I believe marriage is a partnership in which two people respect and support each other, making life richer.
Next, I'll introduce five specific habits and hints you can put into practice. These small actions will strengthen your bond, little by little and steadily.
1. When You Receive Something, Think About How to Return the Favor
When your partner does something for you, just thinking about it leaves the relationship unbalanced.
At those times, if the person who received the help makes an effort to give a small "thank-you" in return, the person who helped first feels "valued," and a balance of mutual support is created.
When my partner took over the laundry on a busy day, I bought their favorite cake and brought it home on the weekend.
2. Make Time Just for the Two of You and Think About How to Enjoy It
In busy daily life, time spent alone as a couple is an important chance to recharge tired hearts. It's also a chance to correct each other's perceptions and misunderstandings.
Watch a movie together on a weekend night, or take a walk around the neighborhood. For couples raising children, even just chatting over tea after the kids are asleep can bring you closer.
Thinking about how to make that time even more enjoyable is another secret to deepening your relationship.
You could play music your partner likes, try a new recipe together, or laugh while looking back on old memories.
If you don't, the store of happy memories shrinks and, unfortunately, stress builds up inside.
My partner and I try to go jogging every morning for our health. It takes a bit of effort, but it has become a special time for us.
3. Share the Unpleasant Tasks Too
Some household chores are ones nobody wants to do: cleaning the drain, taking out the trash, sorting tedious paperwork. When "unpleasant tasks" fall on only one person, the burden turns into resentment and strains the relationship.
On the other hand, by sharing the unpleasant tasks, you lighten the load and strengthen the bond of supporting each other as a team.
It's not about one person struggling alone; an attitude of getting through things together builds the foundation of a marriage.
Whether or not you can share the unpleasant things greatly affects whether you can grasp what your partner says and the direction their life is heading. If you can't, distance develops. This is an important sense to have.
(This is a nonverbal sense your partner gives off, regardless of gender. In Japan we might call it "reading the air.")
4. Pay Attention to What Your Partner Does as "Normal"
The things your partner does every day can easily start to feel "normal" unless you pay attention.
So try thinking of one thing your partner always does.
It's also fine to recall a time when you were alone and lonely. Because you know what loneliness feels like, the value of having someone by your side really touches your heart.
5. Accept Your Partner's Mistakes and Reflect on Yourself
Everyone makes mistakes and forgets things. When your partner puts themselves first, forgets a promise, quits halfway through a chore, or is inconsiderate, you may feel a bit harsh toward them.
(Marital quarrels often start from priorities and a lack of consideration.)
That's exactly when you should take a breath and ask yourself whether you've done something similar. It's a good opportunity.
Before blaming your partner's mistake, look back at your own actions and face the question, "How can I improve?" The relationship will definitely get better.
In Closing
If you try to hold everything up alone, you'll eventually run out of strength.I have seen many people before me run out of strength.
Supporting each other as a couple builds the present and helps you overcome the future. You can get through any storm.
Through this series, we've considered five habits that deepen the bond between spouses. Couples don't have to be perfect.
By paying attention to the habits of the heart, your bond will surely grow stronger without your even noticing.
May you and your partner keep overcoming everything together, always.
Supervised by an occupational therapist
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