Supervised by Occupational Therapist
It is said that letting children be spoiled is an important part of raising children.
However, there is a big difference between "spoiling" a child and "pampering" a child. If you are too biased towards "pampering," it may have a negative impact on your child's development.
The risk of confusing "spoiling" with "letting someone be spoiled"
It is not uncommon for people to think that by pampering their children, they want them to be filled with love from their parents or to have a higher sense of self-esteem. Some people may say that they end up pampering their children because they love them. However, "pampering" and "making them dependent" have different meanings, and there is a big difference in the impact they have on children.
Allowing a child to be "spoiled" can help form a parent-child bond and foster a sense of independence in the child, and eventually it can lead to the child building trusting relationships with people outside of the family.
On the other hand, if you "spoil" your child, he or she will think that all of his or her demands will be met and will become selfish. There is a risk that the child will continue to depend on his or her parents and will not be able to become independent mentally or socially.
The difference between "spoiling" and "indulging"
Spoiling includes behaviors that can be described as overprotective or over-interfering, such as interfering with everything your child does because you're worried or think they won't be able to do it anyway. Even if you know in your head that you shouldn't spoil your child, you may still be unconsciously spoiling them. For example, helping your child get changed, even though they can do it themselves, because you don't have time before you have to go out, or cleaning up their toys because it's quicker if you do it yourself.
Young children cannot do all the tasks by themselves, so there will be times when they need support, but it is important to let the child act on their own as much as possible, rather than prioritizing the parents' convenience!
On the other hand, the act of "indulging" can be said to be fulfilling a child's psychological needs. Although there is a negative image of "indulgence," not all "indulgence" is bad. Indulgence is also an act by which children confirm their parents' love. Having a place where they feel absolutely safe and with people who love them will allow them to feel safe going out into the outside world. You may be worried that your child will not be able to stand up for themselves if you let them depend on you...
It is also important to be aware of encouraging independence. The child must always be the one taking the initiative and going at their own pace, and parents should support them when they are unable to do so. For example, "When a child wants to borrow a friend's toy but is too embarrassed to say it, rather than the parent going ahead and asking the friend to borrow the toy, the parent should join the child in asking, "Can I borrow it?"
Children who are given plenty of time to depend on their parents and grandparents have a stronger sense of self-worth and are more likely to try again even if they fail. They are also more likely to ask others for help and show their weaknesses. They also have a stronger ability to trust others and become more considerate towards others. Allowing children to be spoiled can be said to help them develop the strength they need to survive and the foundation for building relationships.
If you spoil your children, they won't develop a sense of independence.
On the other hand, if a child is constantly spoiled, he or she will not develop a sense of independence and will remain dependent on their parents forever. Children grow up influenced by how their parents treat them. If a child is always given in to their demands, they will mistakenly believe that their parents will buy them anything they ask for, or help them with things they don't have to do themselves. It also takes away the joy of acting on their own, and the joy of succeeding despite the struggle. In order for a child to grow, it is sometimes necessary to be strict and make them endure and struggle.
When pampering reaches its ultimate escalation...
A man in his 60s who suffers from a mental illness and is a recluse, is caring for his father in his 90s, and his mother has already passed away. The father is very devoted to his son and, feeling sorry for his son's mental condition, has been doing all the housework himself. People around him tell him that he should let his son do something, but the father, who loves his son, stubbornly refuses to listen and has taken on all the burden himself.
For the father, today is the anniversary of his late wife's death. He wanted to go to the grave with his son to visit, but his son refused, saying that he couldn't go today because he was in a bad mental state and hadn't even been able to take a bath. The father had forgiven everything, but he wanted to go just this one day. Every year, he visits the grave on this day, so he wanted to go with his son today as well. Since his son insisted that he couldn't go, he took a strong stance and said that he would take the train and bus by himself, even though he might have to call an ambulance or get the police involved. He wanted his son to come with him, showing his strong stance. However, the father's body was so weak that he could barely walk.
Even so, the son was concerned about his father's health, but he didn't say he would accompany his father, even on the anniversary of his mother's death. He was unable to make the effort even on that one day a year, and he cited his own mental state and the fact that he had not been able to take a bath as reasons for this.
There is an old saying that goes, "A child's character is formed by the age of 100," and it is said that a person's personality is largely formed by the age of six. Parents tend to spoil their children or go to the gym themselves when they are pressed for time, but in order to prevent this, it is a good idea to set certain rules. Even if you are not good at being strict with your children, it may be easier to follow the rules that you have decided on together with your child!
I want to teach children from a young age so that they can survive on their own even when they become adults, and so that they can get up on their own even if they fall down .