"Babies playing with food is good for their development, so let them play freely ♡"
You've probably heard this at least once, from a visiting public health nurse, a parenting book, or an online article.
In our family too, just after our child started baby food, the public health nurse who visited told us exactly the same thing.
My wife believed it, and decided to watch warmly even when our child squished food into a mess or played with it forever without eating. (^^)
But as someone born in the Showa era, I couldn't shake one question.
"Is this really okay? The carrots right in front of me are just being tossed away..." 🤔
Showa-era common sense vs. "twisted" Reiwa-era free education
The dinner table in our day (the Showa era) was much stricter.
• Focus on eating
• Eat what's served without being picky, and finish it
• Playing during meals is out of the question
I was raised to believe that "a meal is a precious time to receive life, to receive food grown by farmers," so simply leaving the "food activities (disasters)" unfolding in front of me alone felt deeply wrong. 😂
In recent years, Japanese education as a whole has increasingly embraced "respecting individuality" and "growing talents by letting children do things freely." I think that in itself is wonderful.
But looking at parenting today, I can't help feeling the idea has spread in a "twisted" way. Hasn't "freedom" quietly turned into "parents never scold, whatever happens, and just leave children be and watch"? Freedom without a foundation of basic rules and manners is simply "neglect". 😎
Even so, at first I thought, "This must be a parenting method backed by modern science (?)" and decided to watch without interfering. Maybe my Showa brain just hadn't been updated.
The result of leaving it for a year: dirty floors, and nothing changed 😭
We kept "letting them play as much as they liked," as the nurse said, for months, and then a whole year passed.
Our hopes that "they'll start eating on their own eventually" and "they'll settle down as they grow" were completely betrayed.
• No matter how long we waited, our child never focused on eating
• Instead of eating, the food just dropped onto clothes and the floor
• Mealtime had become nothing but "toy time"
In the end, just watching didn't help our child grow at all.
The only thing that changed was that our dining room floor got polished from wiping up spills every day. My wife's burden simply grew as she washed dirty clothes every night and crawled on the floor, with not the slightest sign of our child learning "table manners."
Why our family set "mealtime rules"
"This can't go on. Our home is not a mud-play venue!"
Convinced of this, I decided to change course 180 degrees. I stopped the neglect hidden behind the convenient words "it's good for development" and made rules to bring back the original purpose: [cherishing mealtime].
🚫 Our family's 3 new table rules
• No playing with food at all (teach that it's not a toy)
• Unless you're unwell, finish your food
• No leaving your seat until you've eaten properly (and no chatting when you aren't eating properly)
Of course, at first our child kept playing, but as we parents kept saying, calmly and consistently, "This is where we eat," little by little our child began to understand the difference between "eating time" and "playing time." 😁
The "real meaning" of parents managing meals
Through this experience, I keenly felt that setting mealtime rules isn't just about manners.
"Managing meals" is a vital activity for keeping a child alive, taking in the nutrients their body needs.
And I believe that taking responsibility for that nutrition and for the place where meals happen is tied to the very "reason for being a parent": protecting your child's life. That's why simply leaving them "free" could mean abandoning a parent's most important role, I felt.
Summary: The "right answer" in parenting comes from the child in front of you, not from experts
The advice from nurses and parenting books to "let them play freely" may not be 100% wrong. There may be an early stage where touching food helps babies explore textures.
But "growing children by letting them be free" does not mean not teaching manners or discipline.
Every child has a different personality and grows at a different pace. If you take experts' words at face value and the child in front of you is falling apart, then it isn't the "right answer" for that child.
Even if people call it old-fashioned, parents seriously thinking about "what matters" and teaching that no means no is what truly helps a child grow. After a year of failure, I feel this strongly ✨️
By the way, since we introduced the rules, the number of times we clean the floor has dropped dramatically, and my mental health has greatly improved too 😆
How does your family handle your child's "playing with food"?
